Me Mi Moi Mich :)

I’ve felt bad for not having learnt to play the guitar every time I saw some cool kid picking on the strings over at college. Felt bad for not having a neat handwriting. My chemistry ma’am in 12th used to say tat I write like a kindergarten kid. Of course, I always had the keyboard. I preferred doing my assignments on my PC and submitting print outs. There has always been an easy way for life, everything in it. I happen to believe I am socially f****d for the sole reason that I used to stutter a bit as a kid and have done the same at some important moments of my life. Maybe it was better being the silent guy around. I learnt to listen. There’s always lots you can learn about someone when you are ready to listen to them, those precious little words of confusion, guilt, hate and a whole lot of lies. And among them, the beautiful rush of genuine feelings. It’s fun. So that made me the silent guy and I remember my ex-crush telling me sarcastically, “you really need a computer and an Internet Messenger chat window to talk to me or anyone, heh.” Hehe. Yeah, still I feel bad for not having told her my feelings in real conversation instead of an IM message. I love myself when I’m at the IM or GTalk or even scrapbooks or walls. I can pour my heart out. Talk about things I wouldn’t dare say or even mention about in real life conversation. Usually I blame everything on the age and say it’s my generation’s way of expression. Thanks to Pepsi for coining the term for me, The Generation X, x for all the confusions and f**k ups. But there are so many around me, my age, living their life, shouting out loud, doing well with the opposite sex, having fun. Never have I asked ‘Why am I like this?’!, the clichéd question, just like the ones, friends from the not so dear past or total strangers SMS’ us, How’s life? How should life be, there’s never a mood in life that stays constant and hence there shouldn’t be a word indicating the answer to that question either. It can always be, How’z you feeling? That’s easy. Just spell out your present mood before it swings away. Hey don’t think this is the loser article on things I feel bad about, what I am not kind of crap. I know I am good. Seriously! Hehe. I can think. I can read good things. I can enjoy good movies. Listen to good music be it peppy Tamil movie OST or the much celebrated rock\pop\rap genre. I can’t stand metal. There’s no end to the things I can do. You might have noticed all those I’s I have used in this brag note. That is mostly what I am maybe. Rumored to be the selfish brat by a couple of my very dear friends, I popularized it and still am proud of being Mr. Selfish. So how would I remember my life? Past: WELL, Present: SWELL, Future: BLUR. It has been like that for a long time now. Maybe I’m just lazy. My obesity stands witness to it. Hehe. I have seen people change and used to feel bad about it. Things life do to them. I’m still not sure where I stand in the need for change. I definitely don’t want it to change. But what is life without something new. Shit. Not again! Maybe it is my gang, a group of people who doesn’t want to grow up, at least half of them. Leaving college was hard, it’s true, you don’t really know how good it was there till you leave. People who recognized you, the ones that patted your back, made fun of you, held your hands, cried out in your face, hugged you, invited you out for movies, to all the popular places, made you feel like someone special, someone good at something, made you feel like shit, people you hated, people you wished were never born, hehe. Sorry, got carried away. All those bastards you can never forget. Everything was good there. This does look like a kid’s diary right, all the simple words? When am I gonna find the pill for vocabulary. Sigh. Morpheus has all kinds of pills, red ones, blue ones, pink ones (for the princesses) and my favorites, the black ones, they let you dream, day/night. What fun would it be merging in with the crowd, but I’m too reserved to stand apart. That has been a problem all the while. Why isn’t there a third option in life? Yes and No. Why not one like, Let me try both and pick the best one? or a The best one available? It’s a blessing to sense my envy when I have a blood rush. I just wipe it away telling myself, “Dude, you didn’t even try!”. Hehe. Does the world really need good boys? Mama’s boys? Macho men? Daredevils? Fat-losers? What use it is if you can’t enjoy it, feel the scratch-the-itch goodness P.K.R. talks about? Among all those feel-bad’s maybe I am enjoying my feel-good’s too. I can always learn to play the guitar. Life is pretty long enough for all those long words and scratchy moments. I am proud to have finished writing the first post on my first ever honest blog/brag. 🙂 [Inspired by Wake Up Sid, the movie.] [Nothing I do is good enough for me, just like this awesome post. Kudos.]